yup i know that its much better being the one telling things than being the one doing things. its so hard.

just for updates, on sunday before i slept, i message my fren to comfirm if chem was on thursday. i had planned to study chem on wednesday night. Just before i entered into dream land, my fren replied and her reply gave me a shock cos my chem exam was on MONDAy, which means i dun have time to study.

i must say, the chem paper was a walk of faith. paper 3. highest weightage. if i pass, its God. same for physics, though i already knew before hand. i couldnt stud properly and still cannot, the day before exams. however, for these 2 papers, i must say, God put in me some hope of passing. We shall see, if God chooses to deliever me. I realli pray and hope so.

for maths, my most confident paper, well, i flopped it. i couldnt understand the question, so that meant that i had to skip the whole questions. Something abt maths is that although the language used it in english, u have to understand it the not-english way.

i realli realli hope i can pass. and pray so too.

yup. i'm quite sure theres onli me u and samsom who knows this blog, if not, its onli us who knows the password.

i'm quite frustrated recently when i reflect on my own spiritual life, and realised how much more i would have grown had i continue to seek Him with all i have, like i used to at the beginning of the year. Sure, i havent realli skipped much of a quiet time since months ago, and each QT lasts at least 45 mins each, but sometimes if not all times, its like obligation. i cannot finish doing QT when worldy thoughts start sinking in. And yea, about the area of lust, i feelike i have been flirting with it, slowly getting deeper and more frequently.

mebbe alll these are like what u said, ty, that it origin from the frustration of studies. i dunno, but i just know that the frustrations are there. i can be doing like 3~4 hrs of work onli in a single day, and spend the rest of the day worrying, abt studies, abt life.

Another thing is, i realised that i have not much people to turn to for advices in my life, esp in areas such as frenship, and also frenship on deeper level, i.e. romantic relationships. The fact that i dont talk to my father at all dosent help too, even though he most probably used the most traditional method to woo my mom, knowing him. Plus, i realli dunno if 18 is too young. If it is, what is the difference between now and one year from now? What if i'm gonna lose my chance with a girl cos i am indecisive now? Thats quite alot of loneliness to overcome. Seeing God as a distant God definately dosent help. Theres alot of 'What ifs?" that i need answer to, but i guess some can onli be answered over time, right?

i think i'm not very disciplined in my studies, plus the fact that i took 2~3 hours just to understand a simple physics concept. depressing. and my Maths, i'm facing alot of problems, not counting yet the many topics of chem that i have not touched. Its realli a tough time for me man. haiz.