yup. i'm quite sure theres onli me u and samsom who knows this blog, if not, its onli us who knows the password.
i'm quite frustrated recently when i reflect on my own spiritual life, and realised how much more i would have grown had i continue to seek Him with all i have, like i used to at the beginning of the year. Sure, i havent realli skipped much of a quiet time since months ago, and each QT lasts at least 45 mins each, but sometimes if not all times, its like obligation. i cannot finish doing QT when worldy thoughts start sinking in. And yea, about the area of lust, i feelike i have been flirting with it, slowly getting deeper and more frequently.
mebbe alll these are like what u said, ty, that it origin from the frustration of studies. i dunno, but i just know that the frustrations are there. i can be doing like 3~4 hrs of work onli in a single day, and spend the rest of the day worrying, abt studies, abt life.
Another thing is, i realised that i have not much people to turn to for advices in my life, esp in areas such as frenship, and also frenship on deeper level, i.e. romantic relationships. The fact that i dont talk to my father at all dosent help too, even though he most probably used the most traditional method to woo my mom, knowing him. Plus, i realli dunno if 18 is too young. If it is, what is the difference between now and one year from now? What if i'm gonna lose my chance with a girl cos i am indecisive now? Thats quite alot of loneliness to overcome. Seeing God as a distant God definately dosent help. Theres alot of 'What ifs?" that i need answer to, but i guess some can onli be answered over time, right?
i'm quite frustrated recently when i reflect on my own spiritual life, and realised how much more i would have grown had i continue to seek Him with all i have, like i used to at the beginning of the year. Sure, i havent realli skipped much of a quiet time since months ago, and each QT lasts at least 45 mins each, but sometimes if not all times, its like obligation. i cannot finish doing QT when worldy thoughts start sinking in. And yea, about the area of lust, i feelike i have been flirting with it, slowly getting deeper and more frequently.
mebbe alll these are like what u said, ty, that it origin from the frustration of studies. i dunno, but i just know that the frustrations are there. i can be doing like 3~4 hrs of work onli in a single day, and spend the rest of the day worrying, abt studies, abt life.
Another thing is, i realised that i have not much people to turn to for advices in my life, esp in areas such as frenship, and also frenship on deeper level, i.e. romantic relationships. The fact that i dont talk to my father at all dosent help too, even though he most probably used the most traditional method to woo my mom, knowing him. Plus, i realli dunno if 18 is too young. If it is, what is the difference between now and one year from now? What if i'm gonna lose my chance with a girl cos i am indecisive now? Thats quite alot of loneliness to overcome. Seeing God as a distant God definately dosent help. Theres alot of 'What ifs?" that i need answer to, but i guess some can onli be answered over time, right?
posted by caleb at 4:14 AM
1 Comments:
About your father getting your mom the old-fashioned way. Well, as long as you get the girl you want that's good enough. Any way will do, just be right before God mah, correct?
Hey, I sincerely believe that the Lord watches over us in whatever we do. Proverbs 18:22 I think. Houses and inheritance are from the parents but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Main thing is to wait on the Lord and seek Him. And He'll give you the desires of your heart.
Wah, eh, you ever realised it's so much easier telling someone else what to do a not?
Hard for me to actually do it too bro.
But I'm waiting.
Sometimes when I'm not resting in the Lord, I'll really feel painful over who I like.
But then when I really seek God I just get contented with the Jesus Christ and the way things are now. Truly, enjoying my life now.
Devil tries to attack me a lot. But truth is, I'm rescued. He can't touch me. I need to cling to the truth that I'm forgiven and God loves me. Sometimes, cuz I can really set high standards for myself, I tend to self-condemn over my occasional flings with lust. But then the more I do it, the more I get away from the Lord and make myself even more vulnerable.
The bible and God's promises- it's so simple yet so hard to comprehend lor. Why would God forgive a bloody lustful wretched sinner like me and bring me to where I am? I'm not saying I'm a very spiritually strong guy (not yet), but I'm saying that I'm very grateful that God brought me to this level of my walk. That I can talk with Him, lay flat in my room and worship Him.
If I didn't turn back to God a couple of years back, I'd really be lost now. Some of my friends are, I guess.
My greatest fear now (and I've never told anyone save God): That one day, when I'm older I'm going to flirt with lustful thoughts again. That one day when I'm not careful I'm going to go out and sleep around. Just once will be bad enough. Serious. That's a big fear you know. Because when I think lustful thoughts, I can think along those lines. REal bad. Fact that my school buddies are continuously talking bout this stuff and some off them have already lost their virginities long ago makes it all the worst.
Prelims were alright. Leaving it to God.
Love in Christ
ty
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