i feel as though the world whole is crushing down on me. The notion of "i enjoy being a christian" is now constantly being challenged, cos its great burden to even try to glorify God in my results. I have like half or more than half a year of syllabus to cover for both my sciences. Monday, there is GP paper one and 2 in the morning, followed by physics paper 3, which is upon 110 marks, right in the same afternoon. If this aint a killer, i dunno what is. Chem and Maths the next 2 days, before a short break.

the last few weeks i had been quite moody. The fact that my concentration on studies had resulted in a strained relationship, its realli draining on my emotions(i dont want for this to happen). Not even yet counting feelings and emotions that had been attached to this particular fren(whom used to be very close), it pains me almost to the infinite just to lose the close frenship itself, due to not being able to hang out much cos i realli realli want to try my best to glorify God in my studies. This fren found some new besties in this period of time and had been hanging out with them. I've been trying, though not going all out, to at least salvage this close frenship. Not that we are not on good terms. Its just that my sudden withdrawal from this close bond had left both of us not as comfy as we were with one another.

nevertheless, losing this frenship had made me learnt much. I cant blame God. He gives and takes away. I can only thank God for this frenship, no matter how short-lived it is. i have entered this frenship and exited from it a much more mature person. This close fren, just through hanging out, i learnt to be more gentlemenly, more sensitive to others. Also, i saw in this fren many of my own flaws(we are quite similiar in many behavioural aspects, though i think most times i'm much worse than this fren), so i managed to learn to be a much better person by changing my flaws. Not that this fren is full of flaws. Its just that everyone have some flaws and these flaws catches the eye over time.

One of the lesson i learn which is most important is, do not complan about other, esp abt good fren. You see, on my fren's birthday, i purposely played it down so as to surprise this fren the day after this fren's birthday. However, this fren did not know of the surprise, and was super sad that we(as a group of frens), did not do anything special. So, being the complain type of person, this fren complained and complained to other good frens abt us. Granted, i know this fren did not mean it the vengence way, just that complaining was a vent, but it realli hurt me in a way i would never wanna experience again. Its sort of like talking behind my back. Thats why, i will realli try not to do the same.

just anther example. to save my close frenship with this fren, we had a conversation once(cos now we do not even talk), but not having a particular topic in mind, i just rambled, in the end sprouted some rubbish which i was not supposed to say. I almost ruined this fren's frenship with another fren. Thank God that He gave me wisdom to act upon it and seek the right pathe, which was to apologise to the fren i complained against.

one thing that had eluded me is happiness, but on the pathe trying to find and seek it, i have stumbled upon joy after joy. The simple joy of completing some chapters of studies knowing that i have pleased God. i know, i will not do extra well for this prelims. i know it, but i realli need prayer, guys.

pray for:
1) concentration in my studies
2) energy and strength due to little sleeping hours
3) ability to enter sleep much faster
4) understanding of my notes and application of acquired knowledge.
5) God to speak to me and encourage me, a closer walk with Him.
6) God will encourage me by helping me to study the more important topics more and by doing better in this prelims, spurr me to improve more.

yeah anyway, my QT had been quite good. Not that i'm in good mood when entering QT mode, but i have been ablet o cry out to God, and esp today, after i told God upteenth times to "take away my life cos its realli painful"(while playing guitar and worshipping, coming up with songs which lyrics speaks of the 101 reasons why God should take me away now, with tears rolling down my cheeks, wishin that God would do just that.), though God did not speak audibly, but i felt alot better jsut teling God my POV and my complains.

anyway, i was talking abt frenship loss, but thank God for stronger frenships forged too. i was able to hang out with a brother and sister in Christ, their names- Chao Yuan, Jayce. they are from my cca, SFC, and following the stepping down from our ccas, we had been studying together quite often. after school and also overnight. the encouragements i get from these siblings in Christ are indeed very precious. thank God for them.

thanks guys for keeping up with my life :D do pray for me and tag your prayer requests on my tag-board so i can do my part by praying for u too!:D