i just got the news today. Last night, someone from my school chose to end his life. It came to me as a shock, even though i did not know that guy. It shocked me cos, i realised, had it not been for God, i would have been like him too. I'm serious. Over the past two months, i have never been so so so down before, experiencing desperate emotions that no other peopl can simply understnad just by hearing my words. It may sound nothing, but having half a year of syllabus left to study per science subject, plus the burden to start to try my best for God, its realli getting to me. I, for one, have never ever strifed to study to glorify God's name, until now.

its a good thing that God looks at the effort, not only the result. If not, i would not have anything to show to Him. realli.

thinking back, this is not the first time i have heard of someone commiting suicide. In my sec 3 year back in The Chinese High, one of my sec 4 seniors oso did that. Both times, i did not know the people who had took their own lives, but both times, i had came into contact with people who had known them. Today esp, my teacher in charge of my cca, he came to me, his heart totally broken, for the child who had taken his own life was his student from another cca. Even he, not very clsoe to the person, feel so much pain. So i realised, if i had taken my own life in this period of time, those closest to me would realli feel the most pain, over prolonged period of time.

therefore, i have told myself, i have a prize in front of me to be earned. i must make use of my advantage as someone not expected to perform, to perform and ultimately, be a shining testimony. So far, i have heard to success stories from CDE jump to ABB. i will and must strive to do much better. Do keep me in prayer, really.